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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?